A marketing professor from a very silly university has conducted a very unimportant study and the results don’t quite sit well with us here at Void.
According to the Florida Times Union, the pointless study conducted by Emory University marketing instructor, Michael Lewis, ranked the Jacksonville Jaguars’ fan-base as one of the worst in the NFL (29th out of 32 teams), based on three metrics: how much fans spend, how often fans engage with a team’s social media platforms, and how a team draws for away games.
First of all: Never once does Professor Lewis mention that the Jaguars are the best dressed team in all of ball sports. Is that relevant? No. Is it true and worth repeating? Of course!
The analysis was “driven by data, not by emotion,” Lewis told the Times Union, in an apparent attempt to sound more rational than me. He also said that if a team like the Jaguars were to sustain some long term success, their fan-base’s ranking would certainly improve.
With a young, talented team, the Jags are poised for many years of continued success. In the meantime, fans can also commit to improving so that we never appear toward the bottom of pointless studies by Emory University professors ever again. Will you help us, dear reader?
Here’s what must be done:
- Buy a ticket to an away game. Do it. Click here. You can go to New York (well… really East Rutherford, New Jersey, but you can certainly stay in New York) and see a Broadway show. Or Kansas City and eat barbecue. Or Dallas and eat barbecue. Or Houston and eat Barbecue. Or Indianapolis and… probably you won’t want to go to Indianapolis, but you see my point, right? Buy a ticket and then when you go to your preferred away game, take a picture of yourself at a Broadway show or eating barbecue or being in any other NFL city besides Indianapolis. Then post it to Twitter and tag professor Lewis (@sport_analytic) so he can have some anecdotal evidence to consider for his next pointless study.
2. Watch this video of Telvin Smith freestyling with Nate Burleson.
It should be abundantly clear to you now that Smith is certainly one of the best, most confident rhyme-spitters in the NFL. But also, you’ve just engaged with team-related online content and improved our chances in next year’s pointless study conducted by Emory Professor Michael Lewis. Good work! Now if only Def Jam or Shady or Bad Boy, or even No Limit Records, would sign Telvin Smith to a recording contract, the whole world would be aware of Jacksonville’s resident tackling, freestyling master and our fans would rejoice and we’d be the envy of all other team’s fan bases.
3. Write your own pointless study. This may sound pointless, but stay with me. Once you’ve written a pointless study like Emory University Professor Michael Lewis, publications will interview you about your study and other universities will invite you to speak about your pointless study and you will be a quasi-famous person* with a much-talked-about-study and, thus, have more disposable income, which you can then spend at Jacksonville Jaguars home games, improving our fan bases score on Michael Lewis’ pointless study!
*It’s quite possible that Emory University Professor Michael Lewis is invited to speak by mistake because he has the same name as a much more famous journalist, who writes books and articles that are not pointless.