Everyone in Internetland has been going nuts lately about Mercury being in retrograde, which supposedly means that terrible things are going to happen and you shouldn’t do anything at all because your whole life will fall apart as soon as you make any decisions. I had no idea what this was all about, so I did the dirty work and Googled it for you. There is weird, ill-conceived life advice all over the damn place for how to survive this trying time.

And guess what? It’s all total crap. Like detoxing your body and protecting yourself from the evils of chemtrails, this whole Mercury retrograde thing is made up crazy talk. Planetary retrograde is a real scientific phenomenon in which planets appear to be moving backwards across the sky relative to Earth’s position in the solar system, but that’s it. The planets are not really moving backwards, and this has zero effect on your life. Planets go into retrograde all the time, and I guarantee you never notice it. If your life is falling to pieces this month, that’s your problem. Go fix your life and stop worrying about astrology.