As both someone who appreciates surf craft of the heavy, nine-foot-plus variety and someone who has made a “living” as a surf journalist (debatable whether that’s a real thing), over the years I’ve collected a few interesting nuggets related to what’s required to properly ride large, long, comparably low-performance logs.

From the eloquent, like this quote Justin Quintal relayed from Renaissance author Baldassare Castiglione: “A certain nonchalance as to conceal all art and make whatever one does or says appear to be without effort and almost without any thought about it.”

To the nuanced, like when Noosa style-master Harrison Roach told me: “Longboarding is pretty easy, as there’s kind of a low entry level… [You have to put them in good conditions to see the] difference between a person who can hang heels in small waves and somebody who is really an accomplished surfer.”

To the pointed, like when local surfer and longtime Aqua East board buyer, Scott Holmes says, “Just act like you don’t care.”

But New Zealand’s Luke Cederman of the quite hilarious Raglan Surf Report’s take is the most amusing (if not cutting, as I’ve also learned that my fellow log-riding, small wave aficionados are not known to take kindly to jokes at their expense).

In the video below, Cederman introduces us to the practice of “Land Logging,” which he says is a great way to practice longboarding so your muscles get used to doing “F*** all.” It’s a funny video, made even more endearing by Cederman’s thick Kiwi accent. Watch only if you can take a joke.