Ah, the game of golf. The frustrating sport where you try and force that little son of a gun ball into its home a total of 18 times! Unfortunately, the ball often thinks it is too good for its HOME! SUCK MY WHITE A**, BALL! Anyway, if you’re frustrated and confused by the game of golf, but don’t want to miss out on the sunshine and alcohol, reference the following terms and the golf babes will flock to you and your splendid knowledge during The PLAYERS Championship. While reading, please refrain from letting your mind hit the gutter; this isn’t bowling.
Approach – A shot toward the green or the hole
Backspin – The backward rotation of the ball in flight
Beer – Often referred to as the greatest reason to attend The PLAYERS, beer is an alcoholic beverage made by brewing and fermenting malted barley and flavored with hops and the like for a slightly bitter taste.
Birdie – One stroke under par
Bogey – One stroke over par
Bunker – An obstacle of sand or grass dedicated to wrecking your shit
Caddie – The person hired to carry clubs and provide other assistance to the golfer
Clubhouse – The main building at a golf course; usually includes a pro shop and some kind of food and drink service
Draw – A shot that flies slightly from right to left for right-handed players. This is a good thing!
Eagle – Two strokes under par
Fade – A shot that flies slightly from left to right
Fat (Chunk) – Don’t do this! Pretty much you’re taking a “chunk” out of the ground with a club.
Green – The area of short grass surrounding the hole you are trying to fill
Hook – An over-exaggerated draw
Line of light – The actual path of the ball
Pace – The speed of the golf swing or the speed at which the golfers are playing
Par – The number of strokes set as a standard for a specific hole. To most of us, this number is unattainable.
Putter – The club used primarily on the green
Slice – An over-exaggerated fade
Tee Box – The area where you hit your first shot on a hole
Thin (Blading) – Not making any contact with the ground, only the ball