Though their football title hopes may have been dashed by those insufferable cheaters, the New England Patriots, in the AFC Championship game on Sunday, the 2017-2018 Jacksonville Jaguars still emerged from the game as winners, nonetheless.
While the Pats may be heading to the Super Bowl this year, after a grueling battle with the youthful, physical Jacksonville football team, Belichick’s boys are limping in, with an aging, delusional, pseudoscientist at quarterback, a fragile, woozy pass-catcher, a middling, starless defense and coordinators on both sides of the ball each with a respective foot out the door. Indeed, the only bankable constant for New England heading into next season will be the team’s slovenly, curmudgeon leader-in-sweats, who — with his cheating, his mistrust of the media and his clear lack of respect for himself as evidenced by his slapdash, baggy, shambolic cotton wardrobe — encapsulates the decline of America’s greatness in fashion and beyond.
Whether inspired by the Patriots’ coach or not, Americans have become increasingly sloppy during Belichick’s reign of terror. Casual attire has been adopted for all occasions. Sweat pants to the airport. Flip flops with socks. Cargo shorts for non-military personnel. What is the world coming to?
Not so for our hometown football team — or as Vice has called them, “America’s Team.” Thankfully, the Jaguars chalked full of spry, confident, fashion icons who firmly believe in presenting the best versions of themselves to the world through exquisite choices in attire. Not only are the Jags one of the most promising young teams in the league. They are the best dressed in all of ball sports! And hence — role models to us all!
May I present exhibit A (as provided by Leonard Fournette’s Twitter feed)?
Look at these handsome gentlemen. Behold our rookie running back, Leonard Fournette (he who powered the league’s number one rushing attack) and our second-year All-Pro cornerback, Jalen Ramsey, looking ever-so dapper in their long coats, tailored pants and sensible footwear. See how they pose, smiling confidently behind groomed beard and coiffed hairstyle, respectively, knowing full-well that (at the height of their powers) they are fully capable of both bringing home a Lombardi Trophy and moonlighting as extras on HBO’s 1970s period drama, “The Deuce.”
Ramsey and Fournette are not the only well-dressed Jags. Undersized Outside Linebacker Telvin Smith has an oversized sense of fashion, often rocking contoured, three-piece suits during post-game interviews.
Not to be outdone by a fellow member of the front-seven, Middle Linebacker and defensive signal caller, Myles Jack, has shown that when the occasion calls for a black-tie, he can answer said call.
Marcedes Lewis, the Jags tight-end and longest tenured player, even made Sports Illustrated’s “Fashionable 50” list, earning praise for his “layering,” his ability to “mix basics with a few statement pieces” and something called a “Resting, Dressing, and Finessing hat.”
Sure there are other, more famous, equally well-dressed athletes. New York Giants Wide Receiver Victor Cruz, represents his team well each year at the nearby New York Fashion week. Serena Williams has, for years, been proving strong to be chic and sexy through her personal style statements, both on the tennis court and off. And Lebron James, Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant of the NBA are dignified and stylish paragons of intentional self-expression. But while many individual athletes standout for their fashion senses, no team has as much collective swag as the 2017-2018 AFC South Champions.
Deion Sanders, “Primetime” himself, perhaps the best-dressed sports figure of all-time, recently praised the Jaguars players’ intuitive fashion sense, during an interview with Fournette (Ramsey and Smith made cameos in an apparent effort to publicly shame Sanders’ more casual garb), saying of the team, “Ya’ll heard I gave ya’ll the most swag, right? Ya’ll are the team with the most swag.”
So, while we were denied the Championship on the field this season (thanks, refs), there’s no denying who is winning off the field. The Jacksonville Jags, America’s Team, are also Deion Sanders’s swaggiest. And the world’s best-dressed! Go Jags!