Editor’s Note: That’s right ya’ll! It’s everyone’s favorite holiday! July 4th is the time of year where cars on the road are overtaken by bikes, where awesome skimpy bikinis and butt cheeks are practically everywhere, and when the beer is flowing like water. We love you here at the Void office, so here are some tips from the crew that can make or break you this wonderful Independence Day.
Do: Eat breakfast
Don’t: Think you’re the only one who is going to dress up like an American champion
Do: Wear your favorite tiny bikini and sing Icona Pop’s “I don’t care” on repeat.
Don’t: Forget to drink water.
Do: If the suns out, DO bust your buns and your guns out (biceps…not actual firearms).
Don’t: DON’T Drive if you’ve been drinking!!!!
Do: Wear some sort of denim.
Don’t: Eat any food that is not American. It’s not China, Italy, German, or Mexico day. IT’S AMERICA DAY!@#!@#
Do: Take a moment and yell at the top of your lungs America into a crowd.
Don’t: Trash the beach…kooks
Do: Have a pet bald eagle.
Don’t: Burn down the house cooking.
Do: Wear red, white and blue.
Don’t: Try to light a bottle rocket from your butt. Don’t do this..seriously.
Do: Buy Hank Williams Jr. cd and play it all day.
Don’t: Blow up your hand with fireworks.
Do: Bring sunscreen!
Don’t: Get a DUI
Do: Light as many fireworks as possible…no matter what your neighbors say. MURRICA!
Don’t: NO CONFEDERATE FLAGS.
Do: Smoke alcohol
Don’t: Smoke alcohol
Do: Buy a bike lock
Don’t: Don’t throw m80’s at bicycles
Do: Show your American pride with red, white, and blue outfits.
Don’t: Come to your friend’s BBQ wearing only the American Flag. Only showing up naked with body paint will impress people.
Do: Celebrate living in the Best Country in the World. And appreciate all soldiers past & present.
Don’t: Drive a vehicle at all…
Do: Bring a koozie.
Don’t: Don’t forget your bike lock…unless you want to walk the rest of the day.