What the Hell happened last time?

Well that was closer than we expected. There’s such a thing as an encouraging loss. I almost had to do a (discount double) check at the 27-23 scoreline. IN THE ELEMENTS.

Most of the kinks from last year and the preseason were gone. Gus elected to go for it successfully on fourth down three times. They contained the league’s best quarterback (20/34, 199 YDS, 2 TD) better than at least eight other teams will, and Bortles’ lone pick wasn’t his fault!

But the Jaguars never were really in control. The running game didn’t function (Chris Ivory was injured prior to the game). The pass rush was about useful as a Coexist bumper sticker. Bortles’ two wasted timeout calls were inane.

… and it all came down to a play. On the 15-yard line, Bortle’s negative one-yard screen to Denard Robinson on fourth and one. They knew Green Bay would play it short. Cue inebriated callers to local sports radio station. Benny from Middleburg would have made the right call for sure.

Play of the game: This Rodgers TD.

Rodgers was sublime. What a man. I’d polish his belt.

Jags MVP: Brad Nortman

NORTMAN DELIVERS. The Jaguars only punted twice (double-takes) and they were immaculate. When Ray Guy’s bust graces the Hall of Fame, I’ll sob.

Jags Fan Spotlight:

Gus, give this guy a headset.

Impeccable Announcer Insight:

“That’s just football.”- John Lynch, reacting to a football play in a football game on a football field.

“Nobody really saw the Jaguars last year. They weren’t very good.” — Other guy. I don’t disagree.

Insufferable Packer fan tweets, ranked:

I don’t care if this isn’t a Packers fan, I hate it.

Did the Jags beat the spread?

Yes! I think Jaguars’ performances should be placed against Vegas rather than the team they play. That’s logical right?

Album of the week: Fishmans — Long Season

I don’t think the Jaguars’ have the sophistication of Japanese dub masterpiece. The upcoming 16 weeks will be a far cry from the pleasant 36 minutes of Long Season. The 1996 classic is manicured, sonorous and consistent. The Jags are none of those things. Hey, there’s a lot in a title.

The season isn’t that long, really. You live 75 years, you spend about 65 caring about football — when you’re a Jags fan it’s conveniently a four-month season. So, that’s 260 months (21.67 years) of football season. Now there are 11 minutes actually played per game over a 16 game season. That’s 2 hours and 56 minutes a season times 1,040 (games played over 65 years, until the NFL murders its players with an 18-game season) and you get uhhhh … this is turning into that Foxy Brown verse from “Affirmative Action.”

Gus Bradley’s Job Security Rating (in Armenian):

Ամպամած (pronounced “ampamats” if that helps.)

Looking Ahead: @ San Diego Chargers

Where the Chargers and their owner Dean Spanos seek to become. Other than being vehemently opposed to paying their third-overall pick, the Chargers are desperate to become the L.A version of the Jets. This is potentially their goodbye tour. Is this what happens when the Jags head to London in 2030?

Philip Rivers and Antonio Gates are the only remainder of the mid-Aughts Chargers regular season powerhouses that consistently underwhelmed. Remember Ladainian Tomlinson? Remember Shawne Merriman in 2006? Darren Sproles? Quentin Jammer? Great Madden team though.

Oh, and their best playmaker tore his ACL in the first half of the season opener. Can you compress the tribulations of man into four posts on Keenan Allen’s Twitter? I think you can. Read bottom to top.
Screen Shot 2016-09-16 at 2.42.02 AM

Sad!

Lots of comparisons between San Diego and Jacksonville here: Navy towns, decent beaches, over-inflated sense of self-worth.

The Spread (Jaguars +3)

I’ll take what I can get.

Prediction: Jaguars 24 Chargers 27

These teams are so evenly matched, but I’m not a fan of East Coast team playing on the West Coast. The Jags have never won at Qualcomm stadium.

From the Wall Street Journal:

Screen Shot 2016-09-16 at 1.34.54 AM

No.

COLOR RUSH. GET YOURS TODAY.

Atrocious.