It’s 2 a.m. at Lynches. The lights are flickering on and suddenly you find yourself mentally swiping left or right as you stumble out the door. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Tinder has quickly become your reality, and that persistent person buying you shots all night instantaneously becomes your match.
Some might call the morning after a “victory lap,” however, there’s nothing victorious about barefoot power-walking home. Whether you have experienced, or have seen the iconic image of someone doing the “walk of shame,” the look remains the same: messy hair and going-out clothes that look comical in the light of day.
The “Walk of Shame” originated on college campuses, but it has expanded to urban dwellers that often travel on foot, explaining why Sunday brunch at Maple Street consists of many bar crawlers recovering from their guilt.
The goal here is to not be noticed along your walk. Chances are your new “friend” has a mode of transportation for you to get home. If you aren’t offered a ride, resort to borrowing a bike or skateboard. Turn your walk into a “skate of shame.”
Try the Late Exit
There is always that hope that if you begin your walk past noon, it will look like you’re out enjoying the new day. Onlookers will mistake your heels for Sunday-brunch heels, and your tangled hair will pass for a trendy topknot.
Don’t be a Rookie
Costume parties are the worst time to go home with someone. Ultimately, you’re doomed. Nothing is more embarrassing than a walk of shame the night after Halloween. Try calling an Uber.
Morning After Essentials
Having a handy-dandy toothbrush will always be your secret weapon. Hide your lack of sleep with concealer. Your mouth most likely will be naturally rosy and chapped. Go straight for lip-balm. Fake freshly washed hair with a spray of your perfume and then immediately rock a bun.
If all else fails, a “Walk of Shame Kit” has actually been invented and can be purchased online. The contents of the kit include a one-size-fits-all dress, flip flops, a backpack, sunglasses, hypoallergenic wipes, note cards to inform your “friend” to call you or never bother you again, and a pre-pasted toothbrush. For dudes, we suggest keeping a small bag with a t-shirt, some basketball shorts, sandals or vans and something to make your morning-after breath bearable — you might even be asked to stay for breakfast.
DIY Two-Shirt Knot Dress
If you can tie a knot and do a button, you can make a dress out of flannels. The only challenge is finding a way to steal two.
Wrap one shirt around your waist and button it up to create a skirt.
Tie the sleeves over the untucked front of the main shirt and smooth out any bulges.
Roll up your sleeves and leave the top few buttons of your main shirt undone for a more flattering look.
Even Cinderella had to lose her shoe on a long walk home before ultimately finding her Prince. Whatever path you encounter, it’s Void’s sincerest hope you replace the “walk of shame” with the “walk of pride.”