Admit it. You’re familiar with the term, “sweater weather,” but you haven’t given this particular time of year much thought. No one blames you. “What can sweaters do for you?” sounds like the headline to a fall fashion blog post, authored by a political campaign advisor. Eh, we’ll keep scrolling.
While you may not be presently aware of a sweater’s entire array of advantages, you are best off knowing that the seemingly outrageous results of wearing the correct sweater when the temperature swings, are nothing short of true.
Sweaters are not a difficult cause to get behind. They can fit magically, be multi-functional, and are, above all, compliment magnets. You could be sporting sketchers, a pink polo shirt, and a dinosaur-graphic sweater, while nervously walking down a forsaken alley, toward a group of questionable folk. In the dark of night, in the worst part of town, the only comment coming your way is, “Excellent sweater, boss.”
Now, your confidence cup overflows. You deliver a zinger response with a fully popped collar and a head nod, “Thanks, playboy. You ought to consider getting your knitwear on my level.”
Interactions like that are common and only represent a tiny fraction of what can be accomplished with the right sweater. But how do you find the right sweater, and what makes it fit just right?
The ideal sweater is an unmatched combination of snug fit, quality fabric and a distinctive graphic or pattern. Fit plays a quintessential role in enabling the wearer’s confidence. If the bottom of your sweater is clinging to your abdomen like it’s too scared to touch your pants, women will notice and in turn, also be scared to touch your pants.
A proper cling should be just below the belt loops. The sweater’s cuffs should hold just before the palm of your hands, and its neck should sit breathable around the neck. The body of the sweater should rest predominantly on your man-tits.
Fabric and comfortably go hand-in-hand, and their bond should not be agitated. Cotton is a safe bet, if you have the patience to hang-dry, which will help avoid shrinkage. Both cashmere and wool have a unique aesthetic that will add distinguishable character to your person, at the cost of slight discomfort. Try to avoid synthetic fabrics, like polyester and nylon, which won’t stand the test of time or be comfortable.
Of all a sweater’s features, the most important is the visual aspect – a graphic or pattern. Think throwback Jaguars sweater. Think FBI emblem over a solid, untraditional color. Do not think blue and gray argyle – let Ralph Lauren do that. You are here to gain social advantage, to rule the shindig, not to look married. You can expect bonus points for any sweaters featuring extinct animals or lo-fi brand logos, such as Palace or Bianca Chandon.
Women, warmth and compliments await the man sporting a correct sweater this fall. All it takes is a trip to your local thrift store, or an afternoon-long search of low-key Internet boutiques (www.plndr.com). A healthy budget is set at $50 per sweater; a one-time payment for a season full of benefits. If you have a grandma, request her knitting skills – chances are, she hasn’t heard from you in awhile, and would be thrilled. Wherever your sweater comes from, make sure it enables you to come correct.