Ah, the game of golf. The frustrating sport where you try and force that little son of a gun ball into its home a total of 18 times! Unfortunately, the ball often thinks it is too good for its HOME! SUCK MY WHITE A**, BALL! Anyway, if you’re frustrated and confused by the game of golf, but don’t want to miss out on the sunshine and alcohol, reference the following terms and the golf babes will flock to you and your splendid knowledge during The PLAYERS Championship. While reading, please refrain from letting your mind hit the gutter; this isn’t bowling.

Approach A shot toward the green or the hole

Backspin The backward rotation of the ball in flight

Beer Often referred to as the greatest reason to attend The PLAYERS, beer is an alcoholic beverage made by brewing and fermenting malted barley and flavored with hops and the like for a slightly bitter taste.

Birdie One stroke under par

Bogey One stroke over par

BunkerAn obstacle of sand or grass dedicated to wrecking your shit

CaddieThe person hired to carry clubs and provide other assistance to the golfer

Clubhouse The main building at a golf course; usually includes a pro shop and some kind of food and drink service

Draw  A shot that flies slightly from right to left for right-handed players. This is a good thing!

Eagle Two strokes under par

Fade A shot that flies slightly from left to right

Fat (Chunk)Don’t do this! Pretty much you’re taking a “chunk” out of the ground with a club.

Green The area of short grass surrounding the hole you are trying to fill

HookAn over-exaggerated draw

Line of light The actual path of the ball

Pace The speed of the golf swing or the speed at which the golfers are playing

ParThe number of strokes set as a standard for a specific hole. To most of us, this number is unattainable.

PutterThe club used primarily on the green
SliceAn over-exaggerated fade

Tee BoxThe area where you hit your first shot on a hole

Thin (Blading)Not making any contact with the ground, only the ball