Here at Void, we like to think of ourselves as responsible, law-abiding citizens, and we know all of our readers are, too. That being said, sometimes we like to come up with “hypothetical” ideas for fun ways to bend the rules. Summertime is packed with outdoor events that can be filled with overpriced drinks and long lines. Unfortunately, drinking in public is still frowned upon in our society, but luckily for you (and after a few minutes on Amazon.com), you can feel free to party it up wherever you are without getting busted by the man.
Since there is a market for literally everything these days, you can purchase flasks that look exactly like regular sunscreen bottles and use them to sneak liquor anywhere without raising eyebrows. If you’re cheap, you can also clean out real sunscreen bottles, just be sure to clean them very thoroughly. These can be more attention-grabbing than some other options, as you might look like a crazy person who just really loves sunscreen. If anyone acts suspicious, just smile and wave and act like drinking sunscreen is a new health fad.
Another brilliant product you can grab online is called The Wine Rack. This one is aimed at the ladies, but no judgments here if guys want to try it out, too. It looks like a normal sports bra, but contains a hidden 25-ounce compartment that you can fill with your drink of choice. This is a convenient and inconspicuous solution, but may get you some weird looks as your bust size slowly shrinks throughout the day. Other cons of this product may include warm drinks and potentially disastrous hugs.
If you’re looking for something a little more discreet, perhaps something that wouldn’t look out of place at a magical mouse-infested kingdom, try an umbrella. Some very brilliant people make a flask that looks exactly like a travel-sized umbrella, yet holds 9 ounces of sweet relief from the chaos of family-friendly summer hotspots. It won’t actually protect you from the inevitable afternoon rain, but you will probably be too drunk to care anyway.
If you find yourself needing to break up the monotonous torture of watching a bunch of cars drive in endless circles, but don’t want to pay premium prices for mediocre beer, perhaps a flask masquerading as binoculars is the answer to your prayers. You can buy one that will hold 16 ounces of whatever you like, so fill it with a pint of refreshing beer or fill it with enough liquor to get you and your friends feelin’ fine. Be prepared with a good reason for why you won’t let any of the real fans around you borrow your binoculars for a better look.
The Freedom Flask is another great option for any occasion. It’s designed to be worn around your waist like a fanny pack, hidden under your clothes. Able to hold 32 ounces of liquid, it’s a perfect hands-free alternative to some of the other suggestions here. Like the previously mentioned bra, the risk of wearing your drink close to your body is that it will get warm very quickly and maybe look a little odd. If you don’t want to carry anything around though, and you’re afraid to look like a sunscreen-drinking freak, it will do the job just fine.
The most important thing to have when trying to drink under the radar is confidence. If you look guilty or nervous, you’ll draw unwanted attention that might get you kicked out of wherever you may be, or worse, get your alcohol confiscated (or you know … arrested). If you get caught, don’t blame us! We don’t have any bail money in our budget.